Restoring Meaning After Trauma

As we walk along the path of life, the question of “what?” or “why did this happen to me?” is not uncommon for those who have, or still, suffer in silence.

Restoring meaning to our lives is an essential and necessary final stage of trauma healing.

Different Paths to Meaning

Some will choose to explore this immediately—perhaps because they’ve had a religious experience or were led to a spiritual mentor who has guided them.

For others, life feels meaningless and even hopeless. Understandably, having been betrayed by caregivers or by life circumstances, our foundation is shaken so deeply that believing in something meaningful feels impossible—or like setting ourselves up for further disappointment.

Still, for some, religion itself was used as a weapon—to control, manipulate, and abuse. For them, God becomes associated with pain.

A Different Question: What Have You Learned?

What if, however, the point isn’t whether you believe in a god, goddess, or gods?

What if the real question is: What is behind the suffering?

• What have you learned about yourself through your pain?
• Who are you today as a result of your history?
• What strengths did you gain from surviving the storm?
• Would you be the same person without it?
• Have you developed more empathy for others?
• Can you use what you’ve learned to help others or make a difference in your community?

Viktor Frankl: Finding Meaning in Suffering

In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, psychiatrist Viktor Frankl gives a profound example:

Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife, who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else.

I asked him, “What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?”

“Oh,” he said, “for her, this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!”

I replied, “You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who spared her this suffering—at the price that now you have to mourn her.”

He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left my office.

Frankl explained: “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning—such as the meaning of sacrifice.”

He is also famous for saying:
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how.’”

Healing Comes First

By no means do we need to suffer in order to find meaning. But when we understand meaning, our perspective shifts.

⚠️ Note: If you have not done therapy or are just beginning treatment, please save these questions for the later stages of your healing. If you are still in distress or coping with trauma through compulsive or addictive behaviours, it will be very difficult to reflect on meaning objectively.

‍