Grief, Loss, and Trauma: The Overlooked Connection

When it comes to trauma, grief and loss aren’t talked about enough. In fact, some psychologists believe that grief is an even more important factor in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

After all, once the trauma is over, there is almost always loss:

• Loss of meaning
• Loss of identity (in some cases)
• Loss of childhood
• Loss of dignity
• Loss of power
• Loss of control

Does this make sense?

Grief After Trauma

While the symptoms of PTSD can be treated, grief takes its own time. New meaning emerges only after grief has been processed—and there is no time limit on this process.

You can’t expect to resolve grief in a few months, weeks, or even years. While it tends to soften with time, the sorrow of what was lost often remains, even though it changes in form.

Grief Is Not Depression

Grief can feel a lot like depression, but it is very different. You cannot challenge negative thinking the way you can in depression—because in grief, there is nothing to challenge.

It is painful. Period. We have to move through it, no matter how much it hurts.

Avoiding Grief Doesn’t Work

We can try to medicate grief with alcohol, substances, addictions, or endless distractions—but it isn’t going anywhere.

The best we can do is to make sense of it and come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance does not mean forgiving or liking what happened. It simply means acknowledging the reality so we can move forward with our lives.

Who We Were Before the Trauma Is Gone

Who we become is up to us.

• The meaning we create from the past is our choice.
• How we make sense of it is our choice.
• What we decide to do with what happened to us is our choice.

This, we absolutely have control of.

‍