Sex & Abuse of  Power

Justice for Women: R. Kelly and a Historic Moment

2022 – June 29th – is an incredibly historic day for women, and in particular for Black women.
A famous artist with immense power, R. Kelly, was finally brought down for human trafficking, sex abuse, and child pornography. Justice is served.

I have never witnessed anything like this in my lifetime. The moment was overwhelming—I could barely catch my breath as I watched one of the survivors speak powerfully to the press about how justice has been served.

And yet, while this is incredibly moving and historic, the psychological damage to these women’s lives cannot be undone. That is a tragedy, and as a woman, I share in this collective pain.

Shame and Silence in a Patriarchal World

I am a Gen X woman. I learned early how to adapt to a world dominated by patriarchal values: keep my head down, look away, and for God’s sake don’t talk about what is happening in the workplace. Just “suck it up.”

That’s what the baby boomer women in my life did.

For a long time, the shame I carried prevented me from writing this post. But watching the courage of women coming forward—and changing the lives of all women for the better—has inspired me to finally speak.

Bill C-127: No Means No

In 1992, when I was a student working on my first degree, I remember watching women march across campus with signs:
“No Means No. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boyfriend—it’s still rape.”

At the time, I was naive. I believed that if my boyfriend wanted sex, I had no choice but to say yes. I didn’t know that Bill C-127, which made marital rape illegal in Canada, had only passed in 1986.

That meant that before 1986, rape within marriage or common-law relationships was not punishable by law. By the early 1990s, women were still fighting to dismantle the myth that sexual assault was acceptable in intimate relationships.

No means no. Period.

Abuse of Power and Sex in the Workplace

Canadian laws and workplaces have long been shaped by patriarchal values. It is, sadly, not surprising that those in positions of power have used sex as a tool of manipulation, control, and intimidation.

• Promises of promotion in exchange for sexual compliance
• Sexual harassment and blackmail tied to employment security
• Humiliation, threats, and job demotions

When sex becomes currency in the workplace, it causes deep psychological harm to a woman’s sense of worth. Even worse is when the abuser fails to deliver on their promises—leaving the victim feeling devalued, confused, and demeaned.

Sexual Harassment: My Lived Experience

I have been subjected to many forms of sexual harassment in my career:

• Promises of promotions if I cooperated
• Threats of being fired if I resisted (I quit instead)
• Blowing the whistle on a superior, and then facing retaliation

Even when a woman gets justice, it often comes at a personal cost.

Abuse of power through sexual harassment is a special kind of injury. It warps the victim’s ability to trust her own judgment. Co-workers often resort to gaslighting the victim to protect themselves from retaliation, creating even more confusion and shame.

Job Security and Psychological Torture

For many women, the danger of being fired—or worse, having their physical safety threatened—creates a workplace environment that feels like psychological torture.

Faced with few options, she must choose between giving in, quitting, or blowing the whistle. None of these paths should ever be part of a job description.

The MeToo Movement: Breaking the Silence

Thanks to the MeToo movement, awareness around sexual harassment and assault has exploded on social media. It has influenced workplace policies, motivated class-action lawsuits, and exposed powerful abusers across industries.

From movie producers to actors to music stars, we have seen the fall of men who once seemed untouchable. The courage of survivors has changed the global conversation forever.

Healing from Workplace Trauma

If you have struggled with sexual harassment or workplace assault, know that help is available.

EMDR therapy can be especially powerful in releasing the trapped emotions survivors bury in order to survive such abuse. Healing is possible.

Thanks to the brave women who have come forward around the world, you no longer have to suffer in silence the way so many women of my generation did.

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